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Friends: Inspiring or Depressing?

written by Maggie Sale Ostara, PhD

iStock_000012107866XSmall 2If you want to change your circumstances, you will need to make some changes. Sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how often people think they can change their circumstances without changing themselves, their environment, or who they spend time with.

Buckminster Fuller said:  “Environment is more powerful than will power.”

Did you know that your income is the average of the income of your ten best friends, or the ten people with whom you spend the most time? Income is a great indicator because it’s something you can actually measure—as opposed to other less tangible markers.

This is not to make anyone bad or wrong—it’s to raise awareness. Because most people tend to hang around with people with whom they feel comfortable—which means they are often at a similar level of success, income, and life satisfaction as they are.

So think about it:  Who do you spend most of your time with?  And how does that feel to you?  You might call that a “comfort zone,” because what’s familiar is comfortable just because it’s known.

I like to call it a pain zone or stagnant zone, because very often you are staying in a way of life, at an income level, or in a relationship or with friends, that really isn’t what you want—but it’s familiar, and you like having other people around to whom it is also familiar.  You are in (often unconscious, but not always) agreement about how life is, about money, about work or business, and about relationships.  And you co-create a similar reality, often without realizing it.

And if you want this to change, you have to change—inside and out.

So seek out people who inspire you. Because if your life and your business aren’t just the way you want them to be, and if you’re not as prosperous as you would like, then you need to spend time with people who have already mastered what you want.

I know that as I did that with my business—when I committed to really go places I had never been before, I had to seek out people who had gone there before me.  I had done this before as a graduate student—I found a great mentor who helped me tremendously.  And when I joined Nikken, the holistic health network marketing company that was my first real business, I did so because I hooked up with people who really knew that business.  And when I went into the healing arts, I sought out and found the best healers to teach and mentor me.

Yet somehow when it came to building my healing practice I thought I could do it myself. I think that is partly because that’s the model for many healers: you get trained in your modality, then sent off to figure the business part out by yourself.  Only creating a business requires whole additional skill set and mindset.  So I did it mostly on my own—and I did well considering. But to really get it, I had to find people who already knew about business.

When I got outside my comfort zone (pain zone) where I knew everyone, and knew what they knew, that’s when things finally began to change.  I learned the real power of the internet, I replaced my in-person business with an on-line and phone-based business.  And then I finally stopped resisting basic marketing truths, and I started focusing on building a Tribe.  Now everything is different—really different.

So find people who have gone where you want to go. Seek out higher-level thinkers, people with bigger incomes and more successful businesses.  Be willing to ask for support, to learn, to stretch, and to take in the vibration of people you admire.  And be willing to be uncomfortable doing so.  Because the truth is that change will challenge you to do things differently, to feel different, to expand your mind, to shed your conditioning.  And that is not easy.  Sometimes it’s downright terrifying—at first.  And mostly it will just be uncomfortable—but you can get used to that.

I just saw most of my Mastermind friends at our coach’s big event, Be the Change.  Some of these folks are new, but most of them I’ve known from 2-4 years now.  Every one of us received an award as a multiple-six figure or seven figure business owner.  Being part of this group has inspired and challenged and pushed me in ways that have been uncomfortable, creative, exciting, and enlivening.  I am so grateful for this experience!

Seek those who inspire, excite, and challenge you.  Be willing to be uncomfortable!  Stop tolerating the ways you’ve made your discomfort okay, and do what you came here to do. Find people whose very presence will change you in a positive way.  Today.  Do it today.

Maggie Sale Ostara, PhD left her prestigious job as the Director of Women’s a Gender Studies at Columbia University when she realized she’s not built to work for anyone else. Since then, Dr. Ostara has become a Certified Human Design Specialist (Level 4), a Certified Clarity Breathwork Practitioner, a highly sought after teacher-mentor, who teaches high-achieving women how to develop their personal sovereignty, to activate their super powers, and to unleash themselves from society’s prescription of success.

She’s the creator of the Soul Signature Self Awareness Project, the Wheel of Power of the Visionary Entrepreneur, and over 20 educational programs focused building soul-inspired businesses that positively impact the world and taking command of your life through personal sovereignty. She’s hosted 5 multi-speaker online conferences, and spoken on over 15 such conferences reaching audiences of over 200,000 participants.

With two decades of experience supporting 20,000+ students and hundreds of clients through her online programs and conferences, Dr. Ostara teaches how to avoid overwhelm and burnout, how to make reliable decisions, how to create a bigger impact with less effort, and how to transform inner liabilities into powerful assets and allies.