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Independence—a Mixed Blessing?

written by Maggie Sale Ostara, PhD


One of America’s most cherished values. 

You never question it, right, because hey this is what this country is built on.  And it sounds like a good idea.  Being independent.  Not having other people tell you what to think or do.  Sounds good.  Being able to take care of yourself.  Having other people take care of themselves.

Everyone just doing their thing, and not bugging each other.  Yup, all sounds good.

And for those mothers out there, independence for your child or children might begin to sound really good as they get older.  Like when is this ever going to happen?  ;D

Freedom, too.  Freedom and independence go together, right?  You’ve got be independent to be free.  Interesting how we’ve been conditioned to put these together—sealed with barbeques, beer, and plenty of fireworks.  Yippee!

Now don’t get me wrong—the founding of the United States was one of the turning points for human evolution in the realm of politics.  I do cherish that, even with all its limitations.

(I wrote a book about it in fact, LOL!  That was in my past life as an academic.) 

It’s time for another phase of human evolution—and we are in it.

And it IS all about independence, but it’s not what you think.

Are you one of those capable, intelligent, creative women who thinks you should be able to figure things out, make things work, manage and even excel on your own?

  • School taught you to be that way.  After all, it was cheating to help each other out on your work, wasn’t it?

Do you give, and give, and give, and take care of everyone else without needing anything for yourself?

  • Your family probably taught you to be that way.  Most of us were taught to pay attention to what other people want, and make sure they get it, and then everything would be all right.

Do you feel over burdened by responsibility, but think you just have to make it work because “if it’s to be, it’s up to me!”

  • Your culture taught you that.  Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, remember!

Do these sound familiar?  Are you this kind of independent? 

This is not true independence.

This is unconscious martyrdom and often co-dependence.
Oh these are yucky words, I know, but they’re the correct ones.

You were trained into it, rewarded for it, punished if you didn’t.

I want to offer you a different word—a different idea—with a different definition:


Sovereignty resonates with independence.  But it’s different.  And it’s not about being a Queen either, although that can be part of it.

The Shift of the Ages right now is in this point:  from the illusion of independence and the reality of co-dependence to Sovereignty—having true dominion of self and the acknowledgement of the true dominion of others.

What is it?

Being 100% responsible for yourself.  Every experience.  Every thought, belief and feeling.  Every action.  Owning every bit of it.  For better or for worse.

Sometimes that can be really hard, I know.  When something unpredictable happens.  Or something unpleasant or difficult comes about.  When you or someone you love gets sick, for example, or someone breaks into your car, or you lose your house or  your girl friend gets beaten up .  .  .

Let me just say, this is not about blame.  Oh no, not about blame.  Blame is the old paradigm, connected to the old idea of independence.  “There must be someone to blame for this, right?”

It’s about awareness and waking up and having the courage to ask the question:

“What is going on inside of me that this experience is showing up?” 

The path to true freedom is paved with self awareness.  Not self judgment or blame or other judgment or blame.

Being 100% responsible for yourself—and no more.

Not taking on responsibility for others.  Acknowledging their inherent power, authority, and yes, being sovereign of their own terrain.  Seeing them as fully empowered regardless of circumstance.  Using the power of your vision to hold others as complete, whole, and capable.

No more martyrs.  No more victims.  No more perpetrators. No more rescuers. 

Sovereign Beings, all.

Aligning, working together, contributing, creating, allowing, giving and receiving from that place.

Questions for YOU:

  • What is your declaration of independence for yourself?
  • Where in your life have you been burdened by responsibility for things that are not truly yours?
  • Where can you take responsibility for what is yours, even when it’s hard to do?

Leave a comment below, and set yourself free!

Maggie Sale Ostara, PhD left her prestigious job as the Director of Women’s a Gender Studies at Columbia University when she realized she’s not built to work for anyone else. Since then, Dr. Ostara has become a Certified Human Design Specialist (Level 4), a Certified Clarity Breathwork Practitioner, a highly sought after teacher-mentor, who teaches high-achieving women how to develop their personal sovereignty, to activate their super powers, and to unleash themselves from society’s prescription of success.

She’s the creator of the Soul Signature Self Awareness Project, the Wheel of Power of the Visionary Entrepreneur, and over 20 educational programs focused building soul-inspired businesses that positively impact the world and taking command of your life through personal sovereignty. She’s hosted 5 multi-speaker online conferences, and spoken on over 15 such conferences reaching audiences of over 200,000 participants.

With two decades of experience supporting 20,000+ students and hundreds of clients through her online programs and conferences, Dr. Ostara teaches how to avoid overwhelm and burnout, how to make reliable decisions, how to create a bigger impact with less effort, and how to transform inner liabilities into powerful assets and allies.